Several of you have requested that I make the Reward System a bit clearer.  This tip originally appeared in January under the title “Reward Systems That Work” and included a lengthy discussion on the use of logical consequences as a means of motivating your kids to engage in desirable behaviors without nagging, threatening, bribing or otherwise losing your self-respect!  Since you are now facing the summer weeks without the normal routines of school, you may find that this simple Reward System can make the summer holidays more relaxing for all of you.    

The most effective Reward Systems are simple and monitored primarily by the child.  In a nutshell, they involve immediate, positive rewards for desired behaviors while ignoring negative behaviors.  A child’s failure to complete a desired behavior is only indirectly “punished” in that the child loses an opportunity to get a reward.  The logical consequences associated with the reward system are determined ahead of time and are immediately linked to the desired behavior. 

Setting Up a Reward System

1. Working with your kids, decide on specific, concrete behaviors that earn rewards when done spontaneously or with 1-2 prompts.  Examples of desired behaviors include: 
   • make bed
   • get dressed
   • load/unload dishwasher
   • hang clothes
   • fold laundry
   • not arguing with a sibling during meals (or some other specific time)
   • mow the lawn   
     
     
2. Decide together what the reward will be (e.g., make bed=one check mark; mowing the lawn=15 checkmarks).
   
   
3. Have older children create their own chart.  For younger children, create a chart with pictures and simple words.  The children will use their charts to add checkmarks while a parent monitors.  Alternatively, use a jar into which beads, pennies or marbles are added.  One jar per child. 



4. Jointly determine the value of each checkmark or bead (e.g., 10 checkmarks = 15 minutes of screen time; 25 checkmarks = trip to the mall; 20 checkmarks=Build-a-Bear clothing item).    
   
   
5. Once earned, checkmarks (beads) are never taken away.  This is extremely important.  Keep in mind that the failure to earn a checkmark is itself the “punishment”.   If the chart or jar becomes associated with punishment or disapproval for the child, the value of it as a reward system is soon lost. 
   
   
6. Take a relaxed, disengaged stance toward the Reward System.  Gently remind your children of the opportunity to earn checkmarks, but allow them to make their own choices.  This is where the major payoff comes for family relationships.  The child develops a sense of pride in earning the marks rather than both of you feeling yucky because you have battled over small chores. 
   
   
7. Have your child tally the checkmarks weekly to “cash them in” for the agreed-upon reward.  It is crucial that you, the parent, do not fail to follow through with the reward.  The specific rewards vary according to what motivates each child as well as the child’s age. 

Rewards, ADD Kids, and Delayed Gratification:  We are an impatient nation, and our children have the same difficulties we do in waiting for what we want.  For children with ADHD-primarily hyperactive/impulsive type, the ability to delay gratification can be extremely challenging.  The Reward System described here, however, works well for ADD kids because the immediate reward is the checkmark on the chart or the bead in the jar.  A drawing or photo of the longer-term reward can be posted on the chart or jar to help strengthening the capacity for patience. 

Have fun creating this system with your kids!  You will be amazed at how much more relaxing the summer can be.