“Dithering” is a word I use to describe that paralyzing sense of being overwhelmed that is an all too common experience for those with ADD. It is being caught up in the very anxiety-provoking need to decide what you should do at this moment. “Should I do the dishes? Walk the dog? Call my friend? Send that e-mail? Follow-up with that business contact?” All of these options are competing for your attention as you try to decide what course to take. This can lead to an anxiety level that is almost unbearable. It can also give rise to escalating irritability and a growing sense of guilt.
You “dither” among your options, getting nothing accomplished, feeling more guilty, anxious and irritable and finally gravitating to an activity that requires very little effort even though it may not be on your To Do List at all. This, of course, leads to a downward spiral of guilt, anxiety, and frustration.
Take heart! There are ways to reduce the amount of time you spend “dithering”! Herewith, a few suggestions:
- Accept that your ADD is the culprit – not your lack of character.
- Keep in mind that “conquering the challenges of ADD” means reducing the frequency and intensity of symptoms, not eliminating them altogether. You have a chronic neurological condition that needs to be acknowledged. Your goal here is to decrease the times (frequency) you dither, and decrease the severity (intensity) of the dithering.
- Identify those times when you are most likely to dither.
- Work with a friend, coach, therapist, or other compassionate person to help you fine-tune your Weekly Template and To Do List so you can plan the best way to be prepared for those risky times.
- When you find yourself dithering, take some slow, deep, focused breaths (i.e., take a “mini”).
- Talk to yourself (out loud if alone; quietly if not). Say something like: “Okay, I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need to slow down so I can think more clearly. I can’t figure out what is most important right now. I need to look at my Weekly Template to see what I want to be doing during this chunk of time.” If you don’t have your Weekly Template in place yet, or you can’t find it, say: “I’m not sure what I need to do right now, and it is okay to not be sure. If I only get one thing done today, which one is the most important? I’m still not sure. I’m going to sit down and write a list of everything that is in my head right now. Then I can pick what seems most important. That way I’ll get something done.”
The main thing to remember about dithering is that it can be reduced. As you begin to put more structures and strategies into your life, you will begin to notice that dithering - and the guilt, anxiety, and crankiness that go with it – are less present in your life.
Coming: Tips to prepare you for the holidays. Send me your questions!
